He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
