Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and she was petting her beer can
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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