is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Im part way to drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
