My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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