it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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