Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
