D3 body, D1 cock
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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