Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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