I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
