If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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