Cold hands, warm shart.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
