He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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