I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
