He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You ruined the universe
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
