I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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