this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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