If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
