I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
