doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
