am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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