airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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