Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
