So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
