Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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