1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
