HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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