sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
