Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
