Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
