Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
