i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
