the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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