Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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