i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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