the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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