I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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