Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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