i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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