is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
