So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
