I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
