my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
