I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
