Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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