i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize