Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
