im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
