I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
