Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
