I wish I could teleport
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
