so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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