I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize