just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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