I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
