Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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