Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
