my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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