every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
