this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
