did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
