proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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