I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
