he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
