after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
