He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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