they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
