I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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