babies were throwing up all over the place
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
